![]() Unless of course you are the heir of Isildur, in which case you and your party get a free pass.ĪRAGORN: Hey, that’s convenient. We ask that you keep your hands and arms to yourselves at all times, as the ceiling is low in places, and fighting back will only prolong your ghastly death. GHOST: Hello! Welcome to the Paths of the Dead. PIPPIN: Isn’t there anything you can say to cheer me up? PIPPIN: Are Frodo and Sam going to make it? PIPPIN: Any chance I can get out of fighting, Gandalf? You’re only saying that because no one ever has. The Paths of the Dead beckon.ĮOWYN: Don’t do it! You’ll never survive!ĪRAGORN: Nonsense. Be my wife.”ĪRAGORN: Exactly! It won’t be me. You’re a fine-looking woman, and I’m sure somebody will say to you someday, “Erin -“ĪRAGORN: “Eowyn…you’re the only woman for me. It’s just TRUE, okay? Now go pick up a ghost army and save your grimy unshaven people.ĪRAGORN: Right, Eowyn. There’s no connection between her and the Ring.ĮLROND: Yeah, well, I guess they don’t teach you everything in Ranger school. The longer the Ring goes undestroyed, the weaker she gets.ĪRAGORN: Come off it. PEOPLE WHO HAVE READ THE BOOK: About freaking time.ĮLROND: Oh, and by the way, Arwen’s sick. PIPPIN: That’s all my fault! I’ll fight for you! My favorite son is dead and my life sucks. (gives MERRY thumbs-up sign) You go, dude. Could you put your hands there again? …Ahh, that’s it right there…ĮOMER: Wow, sis, you are getting desperate.ĮOWYN: Look at this hobbit: can you honestly tell me he isn’t brave and handsome, and doesn’t inspire your courage?ĮOMER: (snicker) Uh, sure. Ooh, I don’t think you fastened my belt right. Why do I always hang out with the stupid ones?ĮOWYN: Here, little fellow. GANDALF: Fool of a Took! Now I must take you on a horseback ride. PIPPIN: I’m going to go look at that crystal bowling-ball thingy. If you have something to tell me, tell me in normal words. Deceit weaves itself around my fingernails.ĪRAGORN: What the hell is that? Poetry? I pay you to do two things: shoot stuff, and look pretty. ![]() We make a big kite-like frame out of a lightweight wood, like balsa, if you follow me, and stretch some muslin across it then we climb to the top of one of these mountains, wait for a warm updraft –įRODO grabs GOLLUM’s hand and walks away. I suppose YOU have a better plan for getting into Mordor? SAM: We can’t trust Gollum! He’s out to kill us!įRODO: Really, Sam, you and your imagination. SMEAGOL and DEAGOL find the Ring and start fighting over it. Summary: A somewhat condensed parody version of the film ‘The Return of the King.’ĭisclaimer: The Tolkien characters are not of my creation.Īuthor’s notes: Feel free to send this to your friends, but please keep my name on it! If you want to include it in some official or semi-official publication (webzine, newsletter, periodical, press package, what have you), then please contact me first, because I think I might be entitled to a cut of the profits or something. The Return of the King, Condensed By Molly Winter (a.k.a.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. ArchivesCategories |